Having served in youth ministry for 20 years, one of the joys, and unpredictable elements is, ‘where will my students end up.’ I refer to “my students’ to include the former athletes I have coached, as well as youth leaders. I have served in ministry and coached in places, including; Saskatchewan, Washington, Minnesota, California and finally, Kansas.

My biggest joy comes from witnessing what I taught students, and seeing them passing God’s truth on to others.  I love that I get to see former students at denominational gatherings like Kara, Amy, Christian, Kara M., Nicholas & Drew who are now leading others.  I kicked Drew out of youth group one time and he is now a youth pastor in rural Alaska.  Maybe I should kick out more students!  Also, this job sometimes makes me feel old.  When at Bluewater Camp in MN, I saw the kid who almost drove me out of ministry, now counseling others. 

As youth workers, our entire lives are wrapped up in connecting with students and helping them connect to Jesus.  We spend countless hours doing contact work, developing compelling youth groups, and planning special trips and camps.  And the worst part is that parents just don’t understand!

How many times have we had conversations with parents who just don’t seem to get the importance of what we are doing.  It is us who are standing in the gap, who are the last line of defense in the faith development of their children.  They don’t help their kids show up at youth group or our special events.  They seem to think sports, school, and family vacations are more important than youth group.  How do they not realize how important our programs are?

I actually don’t think that it is an oversell. I truly believe this with all my heart. I have always thought it was the best job in the entire world, but more and more, I am convinced that it is the most important.

You see, we live in a culture that has totally abandoned kids. Chap Clark has been talking about this for over 15 years. But now the ramifications are being fully realized.

Clark argued that kids have been abandoned by adults and are occupying the “world beneath.” All the organizations that were supposed to come alongside families and support the character development and care of kids have abandoned kids as well. Teachers teach to the test, coaches coach for the win, and even youth workers plan for the numbers. And in all of this kids go unseen and are living in this hidden world where it is truly the Lord of the Flies.

What none of us realized is that this world beneath has become the world above. The cloud has become the center of life for all of us, but the center of reality for students. And now, more than ever they have been abandoned because parents are just as distracted on their phones as kids are, except that parents are fully formed adults and our kids are half cooked.

Today is the final week of my Generation Z class. I am not going to lie, the study and preparation for this class has been one of the most formative endeavors I have done in over five years. I am blown away at how quickly culture is changing and it is impossible to keep up. I am not talking about understanding Tik Tok or the millions of different Youtubers out there speaking into our kids’ lives. I am talking about the core of the culture that is unseen, but moving us all whether we are aware of it or not.

(You can take a look at my notes and bibliography here if you want to know what has helped shaped me this last month.) What is incredible is that this is just the tip of the iceberg and we must dive deeply in so we can help navigate our churches and families well in this moment. And even more, have no fear, but be filled with hope because the gospel is good news in every situation, in every culture, in every part of the world, in every time, and that is especially true for us!

With that being said, I wanted to share with you my last piece from this class, some pro tips for parents in helping their kids and their soul navigate these tumultuous waters. Without further ado . . .

THE TOP 10 PRO-TIPS FOR PARENTS WHO ARE RAISING GENERATION Z:

As I have been studying up and preparing for my three week class on Generation Z, I found this last section to be the most compelling and heartbreaking. It is easy to get lost in the stats regarding technology and the correlation between screen time and depression. Or to examine the LGBTQQIP2A+ sexuality alphabet soup and the implications of that. (Both incredible topics and worthy of discussion)

But this week we take a look at the spiritual foundation for Generation Z and what is the native tongue for this generation, is not even on the radar of church leaders or parents. The spiritual moment our kids find themselves in goes all the way back to the garden. It is the total antithesis to orthodox Christianity, and the more I have been studying, I have been alarmed at how much it has influenced the church and me.

What is this new spirituality, this new religion? Humanism.

Before you poo poo this video and say to yourself that this person does not reflect any generation Z person that I know, watch the first 1:20 again. What they say, in my opinion, perfectly sums up what is going on in the very heart and soul of this young generation.

In fact, what they share about is right in line what my 11-year-old, white, suburban daughter choir nerd thinks about herself, her friends, and the world.

I think we are fooling ourselves if we don’t take a good, hard look at this worldview and work hard to understand it, empathize it, find the beauty in, and also find the unique way the gospel is going to impact them.

Our kids are growing up in a world with fewer rules and standards:

This has been the question that has consumed my thinking for the past few weeks. Starting next week, I will be teaching a class at our church called Raising Generation Z: examining the technology, sexuality, and spirituality of this rising generation and what parents and church’s role and response should be. (Something like that)

There has been countless words spoken and written about the millennial generation. And this has shaped how we currently do youth ministry as well as how we are currently doing church. I think this is a good thing, primarily as the millennial generation is aging and becoming significant leaders. And I am willing to be that most, if not all youth workers these days, (Except for Tom Pounder) are in the millennial age bracket.

What is unique about student ministry is that, at its core, it is a cross-cultural ministry to a completely different generation. Most people miss this and just put their thoughts, desires, passions, and perspectives onto a younger generation. This works, but what works even better is taking a step back, differentiating ourselves from those whom we minister, understanding their worldview, their issues, and then craft a ministry style, that cares for them where they are currently living.

Dear Friends and Family,

I wanted to begin our annual Christmas letter with an apology.  I am sorry.  

For the past 20+ years I have devoted my entire professional career to loving teenagers and walking through the chaos of adolescents in a kind and loving way with kids and a wise, non-anxious presence for parents.  Those were good years.  

In the space of one year I hung up my youth ministry hat and became a parent of two middle schoolers.  And sitting on this side of the fence, my only reflections from this last year are a simple recognition that caring for middle and high schoolers is quite a different thing from parenting them.  

What’s funny, is that I have been gearing up for all the chaos, the temper tantrums, slamming doors, strange fashion, abandonment of faith, trying out dirty and dangerous things.  We are touching some of that and I am sure there will be more in the future.  But these sorts of issues are the challenges of our kids developing their own sense of self and becoming their own version of themselves.  I have walked with countless parents through these brutal experiences, but now it is my turn and I am not that thrilled with how the tables have turned. 

But, if I’m honest, what I have found to be more difficult and character building is not the brutal challenges of individuation, but the three precursors to this process:  

I hope by now you have wrapped up your student ministry semester and enjoyed your end of year Christmas festivities. And now you are ready for a break. You should be. But as you go wheels up this Christmas season, don’t forget about the shepherds among your student ministry.

What I mean by this is that we do student ministry for the masses. We do it for the kids who come and love it. We sing songs, play games, have small groups and the kids that have shown up are the ones who get it, or at least get you. But if your church is anything like ours, some students don’t fit the mold, don’t go with the program. They are smelly, lice filled dredges. Just kidding. Those are the shepherds. :)

However, similarly, some kids are basically like that loosely connected to your student ministry. And while your supervisor doesn’t know about them and they don’t count in your numbers, they are still valuable humans who Jesus longs to meet in a profound way. They are the outskirts of your ministry, and therefore most likely missing the good news that is for them.

It is Advent and, if your church is anything like mine, the church is in full Christmas mode. We have our best sermon series, our best music, our best decorations, all building to our Christmas Eve service! It is going to be incredible!!!

But then, in just a few short days after Christmas, everything will go dark. Everyone goes on vacation, including the Lead Pastor. That means that it is once again time for that time-honored tradition of “Youth Pastor Sunday.”

“Youth Pastor Sunday” is that Sunday that comes around once or twice a year. While Memorial Day weekend or Labor Day weekend are contenders, no Sunday has more youth workers preaching than the Sunday after Christmas.

I’ve been trying to keep the attendance numbers of our youth group quiet for a while now. When people ask me how many students came on Tuesday and Wednesday night, I give a vague answer. I try to tame my reaction and excitement about our growing numbers and instead share a more qualitative story about a student who prayed out loud for the first time, or who has become consistent about bringing their own Bible and participating in small group discussion. 

Our youth group has been growing steadily over the last year or so, and as exciting as this is, it’s also something I want to handle carefully. At the last church I worked in, my boss who ran the youth program used to say, “Ministry is about the numbers…but it’s really not about the numbers” and the truth and power behind that statement has stayed with me. 

There is a natural excitement that comes when we look at a program that used to host eight or nine regular kids and is now bringing in twenty or twenty five people each week. Obviously this growth is an answer to prayer! As youth workers, we care deeply about students and we want every teenager in our communities to be reached for Christ. We go to sporting events, volunteer at schools, hang out at fast food restaurants and encourage kids to invite their friends because we want to see more and more students experiencing God and plugging into the church. I’m sure we can all agree that steady growth is a good thing to be seeing in a youth program.

10 for 10 is one of those ideas I think God just downloaded into my mind to keep me sane. You know the feeling: you’re in Mexico, you haven’t slept in several days, caffeine holds no effect anymore, and you hate the sound of your own name. If one more person calls for me…. Every shirt you packed is stained with the tears of teens and the dirt of the tent you’re sleeping in. Can no one remember to take their shoes off outside?!

All those lofty ideals and theories you had for moments of spiritual transformation feel as far away as — soap.

Then you’re bumping down a dirt road in a 12-passenger van, avoiding potholes and perritos. No, you cannot bring that dog back across the border. Yes, that does make me a monster. No, I do not care. You’re breaking up a backseat argument for the 10th time that morning. Surely I didn’t fight this much when I was 12… right? You try something desperate (er… creative?) and suddenly 8th graders are excited about a Bible passage. 

Let me just say that last bit again. 8th graders were actively dialoguing about a Bible passage. Praying. And loving it. And you start to mentally backspace the resignation letter you were writing. We had a ton of fun with 10 for 10 during our drives the rest of the week.

Here’s the general idea:

The greatest mistake youth workers make when ministering to students, specifically middle schoolers, is that simply talk at them, telling them what they need to know and what they need to do.  

This mistake makes sense.  We love Jesus deeply and we got into this business because we want, more than anything, for young people to fall in love with Jesus as well.  So, week after week, month after month, we try our best to compel them to love Jesus the way we do.  

But here is what we forget.  When we were 12 we didn't love Jesus the way we do now. 

When we were 12 we were developing our faith and our heart for Jesus.  We did have some experiences in middle and high school that contributed to our faith and put us on the path to know and love Jesus in the deep an intimate way we do now as adults. 

Big games are the worst! Don’t get me wrong playing games and having fun with students is often the highlight of my week, but finding the right game often feels like eating a box of nails. Every week I would scour through all the different game sites to find something. Something, that would fill the allotted time and didn’t result in ten kids sitting on their phones in the corner. I found my average success rate would be right around .300 and that should impress you.

This grind every week to find compelling games lead me to think differently about how I approach the creative process in this important area of my weekly programing. Two things that changed things for me. 

Most youth workers, including me, have been doing student ministry since they were students themselves.  Because of this reality, there is often an unchecked issue brewing just below the surface.  This is that we often fail to differentiate our spiritual development and needs from those of our students.

Remember being a high school student?

There was a time, and maybe you are still in that time, when you remember being a high schooler and you remember the spiritual journey of that time.   This memory is one of the things that makes you such a great youth worker.  I remember how great it was when I first started out in student ministry.  Whatever I was learning, however I was growing, only added fuel to my growing passion for students and for them to encounter the living God who was rocking my world!  In fact, I have found that it is always best to teach from a place of authenticity and personal growth.

But as the years wore on, I began to realize that I was outpacing the spiritual development of my students.  I found myself trying on new ways of connecting with Jesus.  Lectio Devina, candles, solitude.  I found that the more I was growing spiritually, the more I wanted to share my new spiritual growth with my students.  But now realized, the more I shared with my students, the more I was losing them.

I want you to let your imagination go for a second.

Hands lifted. Voices loud. Emotions charged. Tears streaming down the face.

…what do you think of when you read that last sentence?

If a Justin Bieber concert full of teenage girls comes to mind, you’re not alone. Or how about the conclusion of a This is Us episode? I have barely even seen the show, but my impression of how that show tugs at heart strings would appear to line up with that sentiment.

For a youth worker, that may sound like the last night of a weekend camp during a worship set, frequently coined as “cry night.” And who doesn’t love cry night? It’s a perfect moment of adolescent exhaustion combined with a kick drum hitting you in the chest all the while singing songs about the love of God for you right here, right now. After the session is over, you go into small groups and the tears and tissues are flowing. Jesus moved right?. Clearly! Kids’ lives are changed forever. You can tell because their eyes are puffy and they can barely say a complete sentence behind the rage of sniffles. Your job as a youth worker is complete. 

If speaking to Middle School students feels like an impossible task, you’re not alone. It’s such a feat, in fact, that few care to learn it: but not you! You’re here, concerned about translating the gospel into the (foreign, treacherous) culture of Jr High. The following read will take you about 7 minutes, and will revolutionize your communication style with pre-teen students.  

 1. Tell Stories 

Stories are powerful. Ask Jesus. Ask Aesop. Ask Walt Disney. Ask Ellen Degeneres. There’s not a culture without legends, a child without imagination, a human without stories. While there is a time and place for rhetoric, lofty ideals and concept, it is not Middle School talks! Hone your storytelling craft: books, podcasts and even google searches yield hundreds of ways to listen to great stories and learn to tell the same. It’s worth it! Students will remember great stories for years.  

Here are some questions I was recently asked about the world of middle school ministry.  Here is how I answered these questions.  I would love to know your thoughts, pushbacks, snaps.  Let’s keep pouring unconditional love on these middle schoolers so that the experience of God’s people match the theology we are trying to communicate!

How would you say Junior High students define salvation?

For those who have grown up around the church, they would say that salvation means that God died for their sins and because of that they can go to heaven.   For those outside the church, I don’t think they have any mental parameters for salvation.  It doesn’t make sense and answers no felt needs. They get that God loves them and that they are special.  

How would you define salvation?

Salvation is the total redemption of those who were lost, isolated, and alone by their own choices and the choices of those around them.  While we were yet sinners, Christ came, lived, taught, died and rose again so that we may have our sins atoned for, our debt ransomed and then have the gift of being adopted into the family of God as full blown daughters and sons, with all the rights and responsibilities that come with that high honor.

It is pretty difficult to do youth ministry for any length of time and not have some sort of blow up with a parent.  And I have found that no matter how hard I try, every now and then, I find myself at the receiving end of a firing squad.  Most of the time it is from some misunderstanding, but there have also been times when a parent’s rage was deserved.

But no matter who’s at fault, I have found the two silver bullets to de-escalate just about every major conflict between parents and youth workers.  The problem is, youth worker’s aren’t going to like it.

1)  Fall on your sword.  This sounds like retreat and like you are losing some justice issue.  You are not.  You are dealing with minors, with people’s kids, and in some way you have offended, caused anxiety, dread or fear to creep into their hearts because of something you have done.  Their kid, their most prized possession, is simply just one of the many kids in your program.  You have many things to worry about and most of them are seen simply through your lens, not the lens of a parent.

This was the best question ever posed to me in student ministry. If I am honest, I think the answer is a firm, “No!"

I love my students, I love my church, I love youth group, I want as many kids in the room as possible, and I want them to play ball, and I want them give me the right signals so I know they are with me.

In all the things I just wrote, not one of them has to do with the actual, individual, unique and amazing young person that I get to share life with in and out of the church. And it is this subtle difference that separates the decent youth workers from the incredible ones!

I know most of you, somewhere deep in your soul, long to be an incredible youth worker. Not to be Christian famous, but to do a great job and make an impact for the Kingdom of God. In order to do that, it is actually much easier than you think. It only take two things: