Over the last couple of years God has been developing some new dreams and passions in my life. Some of these dreams have turned out to be dead on arrival, like learning how to dub step. Some dreams are slowly maturing, like getting in touch with my emotional side. (I can’t wait to go and see Titanic in 3D by myself and just let the tears flow!)
But one passion that God has been developing in me is ready to be examined and refined. It is time to see if this new-found passion for writing and the dream of contributing to the larger Christian community is real and from God, or something God is using for this particular season in my life.
It started with a New Year’s Resolution
Back in 2010 I made a New Years resolution to become more professional. I used to find incredible joy in lowering people’s expectations of me, my ministry, and especially my intellect. Then I would find joy and security when I would surprise people by easily exceeding their low expectations. God graciously revealed that this is a cop-out and an easy way to hide. So as I wrestled with what it might look like to take communicating more seriously, I landed on writing as being the avenue to work out this resolution. But as I began to write, something strange began to bubble up inside of me: I actually enjoyed it. I enjoyed completing thoughts, wrestling with deeper issues than adolescent-level theology, and being part of a larger conversation.
Not only have I enjoyed it, but a couple of people besides my mom have really enjoyed it as well. I have been blessed to have a community of incredibly supportive people in my life who ooze love and affirmation on me. This has been a great encouragement and has spurred me on to write much more consistently, to start this blog, and to write a book. But the more I write, and the more my mom loves it, I have started to have this sinking feeling.
What if I have deluded myself into thinking I am better than I really am? What if I am really like those awful singers on American Idol? You know, the ones whose moms have told them their entire lives what amazing singers they are The ones who have had no other constructive criticism to speak of. The ones who hear Simon tell it like it is, and who then protest in disbelief. And at the end of the day these singers stick it to the camera with every ounce of conviction in their soul that Simon is the idiot, and their mom was right.
I have come to really admire the contestants who put it all on the line in American Idol. They have a dream, they have had some talent affirmed, and they put themselves out there for the world to see. Most of them get the awful truth that their passion is simply their passion and nothing more. But for the select few, their passion is also a talent that is good enough for the national stage.
I am ready for my Simon Cowell moment
You would think that as I develop a passion for writing, the passion would be motivation enough. I enjoy writing; therefore I will write. But that is not good enough. I want to know where I stand among my peers. Am I good enough for the occasional church newsletter? Good enough for my friends to post something on their blog? Good enough to make it into print? Good enough to be a part of the national dialogue? Who knows?
Due to the prodding of some close friends and my wife, I am going to jump into the deep end and see where I stack up in the writing world. This weekend I am heading to Mount Hermon’s Christian Writer’s Conference. I will be rubbing shoulders with fellow writers, agents, and publishers. I have submitted book proposals and manuscripts to people who are legit in the writing world. I will have appointments with these people, eat meals with them, pitch my ideas, and have my five minutes to prove that I have what it takes.
I am really looking forward to getting a clearer picture of this new thing God has been developing in me. My mom thinks I am great, and if it proves out that people in the writing world agree, then this could be the start of a really fun adventure. If this passion for writing is simply a passion that God will use to shape and mold my heart and mind, I will celebrate that too by writing the best church newsletters I can. Either way, I am looking forward to God clarifying where I stand among my peers and moving forward in an appropriate way.
Thank you for being a part of this process
I am so thankful for my little posse of friends who have encouraged me in this blog and on this writing endeavor. I thoroughly enjoy dialoging with you about ministry, students, and culture. Thank you for putting up with my horrible grammar, and for pushing back when I push too far. Thank you for humoring me with this more personal blog post. And thank you Mom for being my biggest fan I would appreciate your prayers as I jump into this new world and hobnob with agents, publishers, and middle-aged women who have written Amish romance trilogies.
May we all be continually open to feedback, criticism, and encouragement as we seek to live more fully into being the people that God has made us to be. Blessings!