The winter camp season has finally descended upon us. With winter camp comes snow storms, icy roads, dangerous sled runs, and about 1000 other ways for our students to get wrecked! In my few years of taking kids to winter camp I have had kids break arms, legs, collar bones, wrists, and get concussions. I have totaled a Suburban and crashed a couple of other cars. There are polices at our church because of me.
Let’s face it, winter camp is dangerous! But the real question is whether or not it is too dangerous.
A friend of mine recently told me about a conversation he had with a parent questioning his judgment driving kids to camp in the middle of an upcoming snow storm. Somewhere in the conversation the parent said that safety was the most important thing in student ministry!
This chafed my friend, and probably chafes all youth workers who have chosen to pour their entire lives into the spiritual development of our students. More and more, it seems that helicopter parents are coming in and making the things we have always done in student ministry more difficult.
The bigger question at hand is, “What kind of impact is helicopter parenting having on the discipleship process? Is this hyper-sensitivity to safety and paralyzing fear actually impacting our students’ and parents’ understanding of discipleship and living the adventure that God calls us into?
That is a great question. But that question is totally irrelevant for those of us who facilitate student ministries, and here are three reasons why:
1) We run a ministry for MINORS. That’s right, minors, children. The parents are the ones who are entrusted with these kids’ health and safety. As people who work with children, we are subservient to the needs and concerns of parents. If you don’t want to deal with this reality, then youth ministry isn’t for you. Take a crack at college kids.
2) We have no positional authority, so we must build bridges with parents. There was a time, in the not-so-distant past, where being a pastor brought with it a level of respect and authority. Because you were the pastor, you would get to have the say regarding what is was best for the spiritual development of the children’s in your congregation. That day is no more. At best we have an opportunity to be a voice. This means that we must do any and everything to build relationship and trust with parents. If there is a solid relationship, then we have solid access; if there is strained relationship, our access to students is greatly diminished.
3) Get Real! Danger does not equal Discipleship. Snow storms, rock climbing taking kids to war zones in third world countries and the Tenderloin are not what make someone a follower of Christ. These experiences are amazing and are great tools to build community and sensitivity to the gospel. But danger is not a vital component. There are a million tools at our disposal; our job is to find one that both parents and students find acceptable.
Most of us are young and don’t have teenagers of our own. This means that we have no idea what they the parents are really thinking and feeling when it comes to trusting punk youth workers with their kids’ welfare and safety.
If we want to have as much access to students and trust with parents, then we must die to some of our own issues and respect the cares and concerns of the parents of the students in our ministry. As I continue to get older and my kids get older, I am beginning to feel the horror of entrusting my child to the wisdom and discernment of a 22-year-olds who don’t understand their own mortality.
You will make it much further in relationship and ministry if you choose to win over these parents by addressing their concerns rather than berating them for their lack of faith. Their lack of faith will only equal your loss of job.
So, relax you adventure warriors.
Be reasonable. When tough decisions need to be made, include your lead pastor and parents. You will gain trust by having them back you, and you can trust their discernment when you are blinded by the potential perfect plan starting to unravel. And mostly, love your parents so you can love their kids!
Safety is the most important value, because with safety, comes trust, and with trust comes access, and with access, we have the amazing gift and opportunity to walk with students as they figure out what it means to know and love Jesus with their entire lives!
Drive safely my friends!
Related posts:
- numbers: the most important indicator of ministry health
- would a parent / teacher conference work in student ministry?
- top 10 ways to turn your pastor into the biggest advocate of student ministry. 6: love their kids
- being right is not always the most important thing
- top 10 ways to turn your pastor into the biggest advocate of student ministry. 7: clean your office
Benjamin, you quite possibly, have one of the most brilliant and tactfully delivered prophetic voices in youth ministry today. Your clever approach and set up always leads to wisdom’s pearls delivered with the best tone and heart out there. It’s a joy to hear your voice and know your care for kids and families alike. You are a hero in my book, Benjamin, no kidding. You have power and a positional voice to guide and direct youth min into a healthy trajectory for decades. Listen to his voice, people, heed the wisdom.
The thing about yahoo youth workers and danger, at least for me, was telling post-injury stories after events like proclaiming vocal badges of honor with cohorts and I wonder now if this was only fuel that stoked the fire of being “risky” in youth min with other peoples’ kids for the sake of discipleship. Mistake on my part.
I want to resist this post but it is a necessary reminder. Part of me wants to fight with comments alluding to Jesus’ desire for us not to have “safe” approaches to discipleship, etc. Yet, you are absolutely right. I don’t have to take them on a 7 day trek to Mt. McKinley for them to experience God. Yet there are some tough questions to this post like what about engaging your teens in the poverty of your communities? What about door-knocking?
I think safety can be done with these issues but they are tough questions. I love this post.
i remember one of the first questions some well meaning folks from the congregation asked me when i was interviewing for a youth ministry job: “what’s the craziest thing you’ve done with kids?!” i had to admit, i’m not much of a risk taker. i suppose i don’t like the idea of spending time in the hospital with students.
I agree in principal with what you’re saying here…but I have to admit, just hearing the story about your friend expressing that irked me a little bit at how parents are. Maybe because I keep dealing with parents who are preposterously overprotective in certain ways, to the point that I feel they’re willing to stifle certain activities which would go leaps and bounds in the development of kids’ faith…not because of the dangerous activities themselves, but because of the relationship, trust, and joy they can take in participating in a shared experience.
I’ve had one parent become furious with me that I organized a game of Assassins with our youth group, simply because the game was called “Assassins” and therefore was associated with death and killing. Another parent who was irate that I would show a funny video clip of President Obama singing a Lady Gaga song because it promoted Lady Gaga’s music. One dad became super angry with me because his son got a bit of flour in his eye when he got accidentally hit in the face with a flour filled “snowball” made out of pantyhose…the kid was totally fine and there was no danger whatsoever. All of these situations were ultimately resolved with discussion and the good relationships I had built with parents, but in my opinion none of them should have happened in the first place had parents not been so over concerned with some very minor issues.
Now, I’m certainly not saying we should risk life and limb for the sake of earning a few cool points with the kids, but the mere concept of cancelling an entire winter camp–a place of retreat where students who may have been wavering in their faith or in coming to Christ can get the God connection that they need–just because of some snow is simply ludicrous.
This is a great post! There will always be some sort of risk with any youth group, and part of youth ministry is building relationships with the parents! Amen to this post!
This is a great post. You nailed it on so many levels. My experiences traveling to third world counties has taught me that I have never needed to seek adventure but rather that adventure would find me. Tragedy happens. Youth workers and parents have an awesome responsibility.