This post was originally featured at youthministry360.com

shutterstock_76826134As a youth pastor, one of my favorite times of the year is graduation. I love the pomp and circumstance as friends, family, and fellow youth pastors gather in the stands at the local high school celebrating this amazing milestone of our students.

Over the past few years I’ve been contemplating my job as youth pastor and the role that I play in the lives of my students, these soon to be graduates. And in my thinking, I saw the way these teachers went about their work as so different from the way I work as a youth pastor. These teachers would teach history, chemistry, or algebra and then simply pass-on their students to the next class. I looked at the way I went about my work as youth pastor in a completely different manner.

I had been tasked with the God given role of being spiritual mentor to these students for their high school careers, and maybe even for their entire lives! But the more I’ve reflected on the role of the teacher and the role of the youth pastor, I’ve come to realize that my desire to be the number one spiritual mentor for my students for high school and beyond is well intentioned, but not very realistic! Here’s what I’ve come to realize . . .

Those teachers who sit in the first few rows at the graduation ceremonies? The way they teach teenagers is actually pretty close to the way we teach teenagers.

Take the average Algebra I teacher. Algebra I gets a bad rap. It can be pretty boring and it at least seems irrelevant to the normal world. It’s pretty easy for most students to check out of Algebra. Maybe they squeak by with a C. The problem, however, is that in reality Algebra is the lynch pin for future academic success! It’s the foundation on which future math classes are based. And since math is a key subject to graduate high school and college, Algebra I is pretty important.

A good Algebra teacher teaches the subject with clarity and passion. He or she understands the role, and knows that if students never get Algebra, they won’t be as successful in their education. And for the few students who will fall in love with math and want to pursue it in college and maybe as a career, it will have been the Algebra I teacher that set the stage for that to happen.

Unfortunately for the average Algebra I teachers, they don’t seem to receive much credit. They teach the basic class to all freshmen in high school. When they do their job well, it’s the Calculus teacher (years later) who sees the fruit. But here’s what I think. I think Algebra I teachers understand this. I think they find joy in it.

They love that they set a firm foundation and someone else builds on it. And that the result is a student who thrives academically.

Which leads me back to me. And to you, for that matter. If we faithfully fill our roles, we should be launching students into college with a firm foundation of faith, ready to thrive spiritually, and connect with new Christian leaders. When students come back for Christmas or Summer break, and speak of the brilliance of their college pastor, or how a certain author is rocking their world, we can’t be jealous or insecure. Rather we should be like the Algebra I teacher, finding joy that the foundation that we laid has been built upon by another.

And that an amazing “house” is coming together for the glory of God.

“What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.” 1 Corinthians 3:5


Most youth workers, including me, have been doing student ministry since they were students themselves.  Because of this reality, there is often an unchecked issue brewing just below the surface.  This is that we often fail to differentiate our spiritual development and needs from those of our students.

Individuality

Remember being a high school student?

There was a time, and maybe you are still in that time, when you remember being a high schooler and you remember the spiritual journey of that time.   This memory is one of the things that makes you such a great youth worker.  I remember how great it was when I first started out in student ministry.  Whatever I was learning, however I was growing, only added fuel to my growing passion for students and for them to encounter the living God who was rocking my world!  In fact, I have found that it is always best to teach from a place of authenticity and personal growth.

But as the years wore on, I began to realize that I was outpacing the spiritual development of my students.  I found myself trying on new ways of connecting with Jesus.  Lectio Devina, candles, solitude.  I found that the more I was growing spiritually, the more I wanted to share my new spiritual growth with my students.  But now realized, the more I shared with my students, the more I was losing them.

We have different spiritual needs than our students do:

Continue Reading…

Oh, How Nice It Would Feel To Drop the Hammer of Truth!

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had high schoolers lay into me about how youth group doesn’t do it for them anymore, or about how they need something with more depth. Sometimes I lie awake at night, imagining all the ways I would love to give it right back to them; to actually be a straight shooter and tell them how it really is. But just when I’m about to explode and completely blow away some unsuspecting, verbally processing mid-adolescent, God gives me a gracious reminder of my unique role and purpose in the body of Christ.

I recently had lunch with a former student who was the thorn in my side during her time in my student ministry.  Everything I did wasn’t good enough, every lesson wasn’t deep enough, and every other adult in her life was smarter and wiser then I ever could be.  Now, while most of my students probably already believe this, this young woman decided to make it very clear to me how dissatisfied she was with my leadership of our group.

I distinctly remember a conversation we had at the end of her sophomore year, when she tried to let me down easy that she would no longer be joining us for sunday school because it was baby food, and she would be going to big church instead.  She then proceeded to invite any other students who wanted real spiritual food to join her.

Their Self-Righteous and Rebellion is Right and Normal:

Continue Reading…

Being The Hub of Ministry For most of my ministry career I have worked in smaller contexts where it was totally possible to connect with all the students in my ministry.  I was the logistical and relational hub for my ministry.  I don´t even think this was necessarily a bad thing.  I was my job, my vocation to love on students and help them connect to Jesus.  And with a youth group that was able to fit into my living room, it wasn´t that hard to walk with students in a very intimate way.

During this season, I did have volunteer leaders to help.  And for the most part, they did a great job of whatever I asked them to do. I read all the books about how we need volunteers and about proper ratios, and I did just that.  In fact, I had some of the best chaperones and drivers on the planet.  They even did  good job helping with crowd control and keeping things safe and in order.

When I reflect back on what I expected my leaders to do, I am saddened that I held the reigns of my ministry so tightly.  I allowed very little space for my leaders to truly connect with our students.  They were adults in the room, and that was about it.  And because I only had a handful of students, this didn´t seem to be a problem.

But as my ministry  has grown and I’ve moved to larger contexts, I’ve found that my old ways are deeply ingrained in me.  I’m still trying to be the logistical and relational hub of my ministry.  And while I’m hitting the logistics out of the park (and should be because that is my job) I have noticed that I am struggling relationally.  There is no human way for me to be intimately connected to every student in my ministry.

Continue Reading…

It was finally here! It was the day I had been looking forward to ever since I started looking to be on a church staff as a paid youth worker. It was my first day on the job, and to make the day even better, we were going to have a staff meeting that day! If you have ever participated in a church staff meeting, you know how disappointed and disillusioned I was in just 90 minutes.

After just a month on the job I started to come to the realization that being a paid youth worker for a church is much more complicated than I first thought. What I envisioned as a job where I was going to be paid to love students and help them love Jesus was actually a job with expectations, politics, meetings, evaluations, and tasks to be assigned by pastor.

With 15 years of vocational youth ministry under my belt, I have come to realize that the great bureaucracy of the church is not the awful boogieman that is thwarting the advancement of the Kingdom. I have watched many of my colleagues get swallowed up by this bureaucracy and become disillusioned. I have seen others attempt to just survive in spite of the bureaucracy. But I am convinced that a youth worker doesn’t have to just survive the inner workings of the Church and attempt to have an impact on students despite all the red tape. Rather if you understand it, the bureaucracy of the church can actually be fertile ground to thrive in.

1) The Church is a Corporation and You Are an Employee:

Continue Reading…

That is a question I regularly get asked by my friends in ministry.  And one I ask myself every time Doug (Fields that is) calls me and tries to talk me into working for him to help train his up and coming  youth workers. :)

The truth is, I am a paid youth worker and I love my job.  And even if I didn’t love my job, considering a move and all the dynamics involved in that decision seem to get exponentially more complicated.  Because of the secrecy of the process there seems to be little candid and open conversation about what sort of issues should be brought to the table when considering a job change.

The knee-jerk response is, “God is leading me.” While, I would concede that this is of utmost importance when considering a job change, this is almost always used as a spiritual smoke screen which conceals other factors that are vital to address in this process.

Thumbs-Up-Thumbs-Down

Can we be honest for a minute and put our puffed up spiritual egos on the shelf for a minute and talk.

The truth is I am tempted to take every offer.  I love feeling wanted and valuable, who doesn’t.  When a church pursues you they make you feel like a million bucks.  (Even though they want to only pay you $25,000)  You know how great it is when a committee calls you up and wants to hear your story, your heart for ministry and are so impressed with your revolutionary model of ministry!

It is especially easy to have the exact opposite feeling when you have been in your context for a while.  Because, once you are hired you are in the machine, doing the down and dirty ministry that you love and are called to do.  But no one is asking for your sage advice, no one is impressed with your model of ministry, and students are as fickle as all get out.  Depending on how dry you are feeling, anything sparkly gets attention.  And the dryer you are, the greener the grass will appear.  The trick is doing the spiritual discernment to figure out if this of God or of your ego, of both, or of something in between.

Continue Reading…

My dear friend Erik Anderson is on the home stretch of adopting a 6 year old girl from South Africa. You should totally check out his blog and read about his story. Inspiring is an understatement! (If you are feeling generous, you should also help him out financially) Ok, are you still with me, because this blog isn’t really about Erik, but in some ways it is totally about him.

Here is what I am saying. If you can humor me and agree (for a moment) that the gospel that you and I grew up as our bread and butter in student ministry is actually no gospel at all to this generation. And if we need a new shaping metaphor that to communicate this good news. And in an increasingly post-Christian context, adoption can be that metaphor that truly is good news to an alienated generation who long to be seen, known, accepted, cared for, and mostly to belong. What is awesome about the metaphor of adoption for the gospel and for salvation, it also gets to inform our understanding of discipleship and sanctification.

First we must die to any and all forms of behavior modification:

The traditional model of discipleship as behavior modification must be replaced with a model of spiritual formation. Spiritual formation is by it’s very nature relational and implies process, and is cyclical in contrast to foundational, linear, and accomplishment versions we have today. If we can agree that behavior modification must die and want to invite this post-Christian generation to become formed spiritually, sanctified into the image of Christ, then we must start where they are, not where we want them to be. That is how we get back to adoption.

Continue Reading…

A post-Christian Gospel

April 22, 2013 — 11 Comments

It is overwhelmingly obvious that the landscape in which we do ministry has changed.  The values, morals, expectations, and biblical understanding have been completely turned on its head. If we continue to do ministry the same as we have always done it, with the same assumptions then over the long haul the Church is going to find herself in trouble.

Last week I wrote a little about how the gospel is really not good news at all this this current generation of students.  And while many of our students “play ball” for us while they are under our supervision or while they frequent our programs, who they are in the rest of their life has little to no reflection of traditional, Judeo-Christian, ethic, values, or understanding.  If this assumption is correct then the penal-subsitutionary atonement brand of Christianity with the discipleship bench marks of shutting down sexuality or not drinking have to change.

Here is a gospel message that seems to be actually be good news to my post-modern, post-Christian kids:

Continue Reading…

Most of us love speaking to students, sharing our wisdom, pontificating on spiritual realities and how Jesus wants to help them in their desperation.  But if we are quiet for just a second and allow space for students to share what they really think, what their true convictions are, what they really think of Christianity, I think we will all be a bit surprised.

My encounter with students, my students, my friends’ students, students from all over the country is that students’ worldview, self view, and moral view is in stark difference from yours.  Students know how to play ball in the adult world, they know what to say and how to get ahead in the verity of social contexts they find themselves.  When they are with their parents, coaches, every different teacher, and in our student ministries, they put on different hats in order to survive / thrive in each context.

kansas_kids

But what would happen if we took a step back and really listened, without our own agenda?  What would we find?  

Do you have piles of pictures from old youth group activities or trips?  Do you at least have them on your phone?  Well, here is the easiest way to use those old pictures for good!

photo 1

One of the most fundamental needs we have as humans is to be seen and to be known.  In an age of social media we can give a lot of love by simply “liking” a students status or pic, and we can get even more when we tag them on Facebook or Instagram.  But we all know deep in our hearts that doesn’t really cost you anything.  Did you know that if you simply print off that picture and mail it through the post office, that you have actually satisfied, albeit briefly, that longing to be seen and known.

Here is all you do to make your students feel seen and known:

Continue Reading…

red_rejected_stamp_1600_clr1

For many of our students, their choices for what is next is starting to become increasingly clear. All of their hopes and dreams for life after high school are starting to mesh with the realities of G.P.A.’s, scholarships, and personal finances. It is one of the few times in their lives where they are objectively judged on their performance and work ethic, and are ranked, rejected, and accepted based on merit. And we as youth workers have an amazing opportunity to walk with students as they deal with this reality.

Or do we?

Continue Reading…

letter of recLetter of Recommendation Time:

It is that most dreaded time of the year for me–letter of reference time.  It seems like everyone under the sun needs one: schools, colleges, jobs, camps, even the Boy Scouts.  One by one I have the dreaded pleasure of writing a one page letter about how great this student is and what an asset they are going to be to whatever endeavor they are applying.  I actually really enjoy the process of pausing and reflecting on the best version of that particular student.

Letters of recommendations are vital to the application process.  It is a document that vouches for the validity and competency of that individual.  As someone writing the letter, we have the responsibility of using our credibility to either stand behind someone, or throw them under the bus.  In this season with our students, we have the upper hand as we are the ones writing these letters.  But what I think is amazing is that the reverse is actually true.  While we  think we are simply writing letters for our students, in fact, our students themselves are our letters of recommendation.

Continue Reading…

We love to mentor, we love to pour our lives into others! This all sounds so great and noble. But I am afraid that this is really just a smokescreen for our egocentric world view. We are so wise and are so gifted and have so much to offer students, the church, and really the world.

20091120alexander4226

If you think this is too bold, let me ask you a simple question. Who is mentoring you? Not what books do you read, or what podcasts do you listen to, but what human being do you actually submit to and learn from? Although you are probably the exception, in my experience, most youth workers I know see little to no need for their own mentorship. They are the masters of their own universe!

Continue Reading…

I was recently asked why the youth program at our church was so amazing.  Between you and me, our youth ministry really isn’t amazing.  Numerically we are right there in the 10%-13% of big church attendance.  Our program is fully mid-1990′s, and the guy in charge is me.  I may be a lot of things, but I am for sure not a pied piper when it comes to student ministry.  I love students and love walking through this season of life and faith with them, but I feel awkward when I show up on campus, and struggle with one on one contact time.

As this parent and I talked, I began to reflect on his impression of our youth ministry and realized that our success in student ministry actually has little to do with me, and comes from the leadership of the church and lead pastor long before it comes from me.

The Fallacy of Big Personality

Continue Reading…

I know by the way I said this, my might think I am implying that I am Justin and you are Jimmy. While I wish that was the case, I will concede that you could be Justin. I think both options are great :) But you are probably wondering, both options for what?!?!

jimmy-fallon-justin-timberlake-gq-1

A couple of weeks ago, Justin Timberlake joined Jimmy Fallon for Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. And it was easily the best week of late night ever! Jimmy Fallon does an incredible job on his show on a normal week, but by bringing in his friend Justin Timberlake (who is probably the most talented man alive) the show was over the top.

Whether you like Jimmy Fallon or not, or whether or not you think Justin Timberlake is the greatest talent of his generation, the undeniable fact is that when two talented friends work together toward a common goal, for mutual blessing, the outcome is better than either could have done alone.

Be honest, you want to be famous:

Continue Reading…

This last week I met with a couple of students who are madly in love.  They are both seniors, both love Jesus, and both can’t see straight because of their intoxicating emotion for each other.  We met because they genuinely wanted some counsel as they plan their next steps towards graduation and college.  And as we talked I couldn’t help but admire their almost blinding love for each other and at the same time patronize their naivete.

As much as I wanted to help them understand how silly they sounded, and how shortsighted they were, there was part of me that found joy in watching very young love.  Even though it was a very long time ago for me, I caught a glimpse of myself when I was only a year or two older wrapped up in a blinding love relationship of my own.

Upon reflection it is so easy to look down my nose at this young couple, and even at my younger self, at how much I thought I knew about love, and the reality of how little I actually got it.  This couple is in fact in love.  I too was in love like that.  But that love was only a shadow of the love that I experienced when I got engaged to and then married my wife.  After almost 14 years of marriage and 2 kids later, I look back and laugh at how much I thought I understood love and how much I loved my wife.  The love I experience today is so much deeper and more significant then the more simple version of it I experienced earlier in my life.  And when I am married for 50 years, I will look back at myself today and smile at how this love is only a shadow compared to the depth and richness of a lifetime together.

Continue Reading…

I am a chauvinist!

March 18, 2013 — 3 Comments

As hard as I try to be egalitarian, the truth is, I am a chauvinist!  My entire world view is shaped by the fact that I am a man.  Men are my heroes, the movies I watch are about men, the books I read are written by men, and manly activities are the ones I enjoy.  When I am not intentionally thinking about it, I have a totally male dominated worldview.

mm5-studio-gallery-roger-don-pete-560

But me in neutral is not a good place to be.  Women populate a little over half the earth, I am married to a woman, and I am raising a young woman.  They deserve to have larger representation when it comes to their perspectives, their stories, and the celebration of their heroines in our culture.

My chauvinism was brought into light by a TED talk of all things.

Continue Reading…

March Madness is one of my favorite times of year. I love betting, I love being together, and I love basketball. Here is a post that seems timely every March!

Whether or not you know anything about college basketball, March Madness is an amazing ministry tool. Now that the brackets have been chosen, it is time to round up any group you want to build some unity with and place your bets. It doesn’t matter if it is with your church staff, volunteer leaders, or small group, as long as it is a group of people that you like and you want to bond with, then this is the month for you. Click HERE to print off your brackets, bring them to your next small group, and let the bonding begin. If you have any doubts, here are the top 5 reasons March Madness is good for building group dynamics:

Continue Reading…

Who are the students you naturally connect with? Chances are they are students who share similar stories, experiences, or interests. If you expand the circle even larger, I bet that most of the people in your life are also people who share similar stories, experiences, or interests. This is just part of the human condition. There are people that we just naturally click with. We get used to hanging out and joking with people like us, which is great for building friendship among our peers, but means that we are a little out of practice when it comes to getting to know new people, especially people who we have nothing in common with.

Because we are out of practice, it can be really intimidating to try and connect with students who are nothing like you. For me, it often feels like the less I have in common, the harder it is to connect. But I think the inverse of this rule might actually be true. The less you have in common with students, the better chance you have to make a genuine connection.

The awful reality is that students don’t really care about us adults, about our stories, about our likes or dislikes. They could care less what music we like or teams we cheer for. We get so used to sharing our story and thinking that students like to hear from us that we miss the most important truth.

The Truth: Students want to share their stories, their passions, and they want us to respond with love and acceptance.

Continue Reading…

This last week I had the privilege of sitting in on a roundtable discussion with some west coast youth pastors talking about post-christian student ministry. This conversation was facilitated by Jeremy Zach who is the XP3 Specialist for Orange. Jeremy is one of the sharpest youth workers out there, and most of that is due to the fact that he is a learner. He always wants to be stretched and grow. He strives to do his job better, and mostly he has a heart to be as effective as possible in reaching students for Jesus. And it is out of this heart that he put together a group to talk Post-Christian Ministry. The guys on this call are great youth workers and deep thinkers and you should check out their blogs and give them some push back :) They are: Peter Johnsen, Erik Anderson, Mike Cunningham, Ryan Reed, Looney Moore, and yours truly.

shaky foundation

As our conference call began I realized very quickly that in a post-modern context, that is becoming more and more post-christian, our biggest challenge was trying to find common language to even begin this conversation. I knew there were questions to shape our conversations, but I was not exactly sure what questions were the right questions.

After our time, I spent some considerable time reflecting on our conversation, and reflected more about the context I find myself doing ministry, and about student ministry in general. After a little bit of wrestling, I realized that much of this conversation is us barking up the wrong tree.

It is not the programs that need to change:

Continue Reading…